Practicing Awareness of Microaggresions
This is just the first time that I have heard the term microaggressions and I am very much interested. Watching the video made me realize that I am sure that I have used microaggressions in different situations before and I felt very uneasy. According to Dr. Sue (Laureate Education, Inc., 2011), usually microaggressions happen with good intentions in mind. I was then reminded by an very recent incident.I am currently 5 months pregnant and have never felt better. I get to exercise 3-4 times a week and find myself very active. A group of members from our church contacted me to again volunteer as a preschool teacher for a missions bible camp this month like I have done in the past years. Wanting to serve, I immediately agreed. But when one of my would be co-teachers (male), found out, he immediately said he thinks it would not be wise for me to teach since I am pregnant. I then told him that I was feeling great and believe that I will be able to do all tasks assigned to me 'despite' being pregnant and even added that in my previous pregnancy I even taught preschool and hosted large group functions until my 9th month. He immediately told me that I cannot be sure for all pregnancies are different (which I knew was correct but I thought I knew myself better and know my limitations too).
Then when we all met together to discuss tasks to be assigned, I volunteered for some that I knew I could perform. But every time I volunteered for a task, I was immediately shot down by him... he kept saying (in Filipino), "not you, because you're pregnant". At the end of the meeting, I felt like I had no task to do even though I kept saying I could handle it. I felt so useless and unheard. I know deep in my heart that he had the greatest of intentions; that he was just looking out for my safety and did not want me to get tired. But I felt at that moment that it was a 'disadvantage' to be a pregnant woman which I am sure should not be in this circumstance. It made me feel uncertain of my own skills and awareness. I really want to serve and perform the tasks I volunteered for but felt powerless to do them.
Others may say that my example may not be as powerful as racial discrimination and such, but this is my experiential reality now. This is my able-ism experience. Because of being the target of microaggression, I got to see how it is t be on the other side... it made me promise myself that I have to pay extra attention and care to the things I say. I need to think first of what I say and how I say it for it can truly be oppressing for the recipient even if I have the best of intentions in heart.
posted by Elizabeth King Santos @ 5:47 PM
2 Comments:
Dear Elizabeth,
You may not have been stereotyped by the color of your skin, but I do believe you were being discriminated because you were pregnant. Although, your so called friend was trying to look out for you, he had no right telling you what you can and cannot do as a pregnant woman. He’s never been pregnant before, and he doesn’t know what it feels like to carry a baby. He may have had altruistic intention, but they also were good intention that hurt your feelings, which isn’t right. I believe you should let him see the video for himself, so he will know and understand how it feels to cause unintentional harm to others.
Eliabeth, It is so interesting when we really concentrate on what people are saying and how those remarks make us feel. I'm sure the man had the best intentions, maybe his wife has had a difficult pregnancy and he is basing his thoughts on those experiences. You are right, he did think he knew you limits better than you. It could be ableism or maybe even sexism that caused him to think he had the power to limit your ability to volunteer.
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