mulat-mata (eye-open[er])

Managing Personal Conflict - Mom in the hospital

I rarely get into 'conflicts' as I typically choose to escape from it or prevent it from escalation.  However, conflicts are not entirely unavoidable.  They happen everyday of a person's life. 

The most recent conflict I encountered is related to my mom.  She had to be rushed to the hospital due to sudden onset of temporary paralysis, nerve damage, memory loss and disorientation.  Here in our country, family members are 'required' and 'expected' to stay with the patient in the hospital.  Since my mom is very heavy, at least two people at a time have to be with her in the hospital 24/7 to carry her, feed her, bathe her, clean her even brush  her teeth for her.  Her disorientation and memory loss have also added stress to the caring situation.  Everday we have conflicts arise as to who can stay with her.  Since my siblings and I all have jobs and personal lives we have been having great difficulty with the scheduling.  All our personal needs have to be taken into consideration like I am 7 months pregnant with a little boy to care for as well as I cannot be absent much from work because I do not have leaves like my other siblings do thus when I do not work, I do not get paid.  My other sibling is a doctor and he cannot miss work too as he has to pay another doctor to take his place when he absents himself.  The first week at the hospital was easier as we all took time away from work and sacrificed but when the second week came, it became more difficult as leaves from work were not possible anymore... Then my siblings got sick with the flu at the second week too. 

We constantly have to talk together as a group to negotiate and compromise.  Personally I use 'I statements' as much as possible too.  Just to make my feelings and needs known.  We also ask questions to each other whenever we meet and refrain from personal attacks.  We try to be respectful, responsive to each others needs as well.  for example, unlike them my siblings do not allow me to sleep over at the hospital but instead makes me go home by midnight since I have a child and they do not want me to get extremely exhausted from the lifting of my mom since I am pregnant.  When one is sick, another person immediately jumps up to take his/her place.  We also respect differences.  For example, one of my brothers cannot physically handle cleaning my mom when she defecates so the others have to adjust to him.

Despite the use of the the 3 R's and non-violent communication and compromising, there are still times that we experience some tension especially when we are too tired and emotionally drained.  But we still try to work it out together.  Our mom needs us to.         

posted by Elizabeth King Santos @ 8:02 PM